Dialogue: The language that opens up people and situations
Everywhere people talk about dialogue and cheer about who and what they are in dialogue with. Anyone can do dialogue, it seems, and the word sells well. But what is dialogue really? The word sounds too good to be questioned. But that is exactly what we should be doing: finding out what dialogue actually is and what it can achieve. Dialogue changes people and situations.
Just as one learns a new language, someone who wants to be in dialogue must recognise how dialogue comes about.
Dialogue as a common language skill
Most people can tell if someone is speaking the language of peace or if it is war rhetoric. Nonviolent communication has long been established as a form of communication in its own right. It is taught, learned and used. This also applies to dialogue. Dialogue means through the word and expresses itself through language: Dialogue language.
Dialogue skills work like language skills. It does not mean being of one mind or keeping one’s opinions to oneself. It is about a language (skill) that is learnt and used together with other people.
Entering into conversation: Open attitude and questioning
Dialogue is not a random conversation that goes more or less well between two or more people. Dialogue begins with the conscious willingness to talk to each other and to be in conversation with each other. One consciously allows oneself to hear other points of view and to first tolerate them. The invitation to talk is explicitly expressed: I want to hear what you have to say and what it is all about for you.
Dialogue skills mean recognising what is happening in a conversation and reacting to it. You observe a conversation and yourself in it. What am I doing in this conversation and what is the conversation doing to me?
It is about noticing what is said and whether what is said is also understood: by the others and by yourself. This has to be practiced. It does not happen by itself.
In a first step, dialogue means open listening. Questions that run through your mind while you are listening are put into words. Then you ask the questions that arise from what you hear.
However, listening is not just about the content alone. What language is being spoken? The language of reason, of feelings, of power? It is important to recognise this so that one can respond skillfully. Reason does not help when emotions and power are in the spotlight.
Stay in the conversation: Creating space again and again
Dialogue is a conscious decision to work together and a willingness to take joint responsibility for finding a solution. The space for exchange is created consciously. Problems arise where people cannot talk about what is happening. What does it take to be able to talk openly?
Maintaining communication even though no understanding is emerging is particularly difficult. First of all, it is time-consuming to sit down together again and again. However, solutions only emerge when everyone involved has an overall picture of the situation. A common understanding of what is going on and what is not working opens the way to solutions.
Dialogue language enables talking together. Dialogue transforms people and situations.
